It’s the middle of the night, and you are up thinking about divorce.
I vividly remember the same long nights lying awake in bed, thinking.
I was a thriving corporate lawyer and I thought everything was going perfect. Little did I know it would all change when I discovered my spouse had other plans. Regardless of their actions, it then became my problem and my decision to stay or leave.
Overwhelmed And Alone
This leads us to feeling overwhelmed and very alone. Long, sleepless nights; not knowing what to do or where to turn. It is such a difficult decision and I completely understand how you feel right now.
After my own divorce, I dropped corporate law and refocused my career to help others with divorce. My career then became more meaningful, as I wanted nothing more than to help others and be a shoulder during those difficult times.
If you need someone to talk to, the best way to reach me is to text me.
I am here to listen and provide guidance to help. I won’t send you a bill; it’s just a conversation at this point. We can setup a time to talk, meet, or whatever is most comfortable.
If you remain on the fence and you aren’t quite ready to talk — here are some questions I asked myself and continue to ask my clients that are facing this decision. It may help give you some perspective and help guide some honest, internal dialogue.
- If you were going on a dream vacation, who would you bring?
- If you asked your best friend and closest family member — would they uniformly agree to stay versus leave?
- If your son or daughter were in your situation, what would you advise them to do?
- If you were alone would you feel relieved?
- Does your spouse want to go to therapy and/or are they willing to?
- Do you suspect your spouse is not being faithful? If so can you wholeheartedly forgive and forget? Have you ever thought about being unfaithful?
- If you have children, do you want them to model after your relationship, or do you want them to expect more when they fall in love? (you set the bar for your children’s future relationships)
- Are you truly in love? (or is it more about your the status quo and/or waiting for the right time)
When you do make your decision to divorce — make an action plan and stick to it. There will never be the right time — so decide if you are making excuses or valid reasons to wait. The most common excuses are “I want to make it through Christmas” and “My cousin’s wedding in June” and so on … Trust me there will always be a next event, holiday, vacation, or situation you can’t miss and don’t want to let your family down. In the meantime, you are missing your life; delaying your happiness.
Here are my pointers in navigating divorce.
Instead of worrying about what will be, meet with a lawyer to figure that out.
Your lawyer will tell you what is likely to happen and run through the guidelines/alimony etc.
Start counting your assets instead of sheep.
Get copies of tax returns, pay stubs, financial documents. Take pictures of cash, not just the wad, a picture with each bill identifiable. Log the amount of gold and other assets easily removed by your spouse.
Keep Reading and Educate Yourself
Review some of my blog posts (click here), hopefully you will find them a helpful resource.
Decisions like this are always tough and it won’t be easy, but the alternative is far more difficult. When you are ready or need help, feel free to reach out to me.